in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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