The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
