You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize