Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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