the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
