I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
