i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
