capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
