I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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