I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
