I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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