Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
