and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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