..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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