Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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