just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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