I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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