Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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