I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
