I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
