im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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