What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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