I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
