there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
