Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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