My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
