"it" just moved
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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