Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
