Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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