So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
