just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize