Yo dont text me then not text me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
