Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Please don't give away my fajitas
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
