I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
