its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
