oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
