Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
