Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
