Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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