Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There are leaves in my underwear?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
