You're so nebulous sometimes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
