so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
