he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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