Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
