**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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