Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
