when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
