At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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