We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize