Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Small penises have feelings too.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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