Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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