I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
