You're my little dorito
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
