i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
