They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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