woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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