i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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