This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i have two assholes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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