I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you never un-have a 4some
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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