Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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