Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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