i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
