Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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