she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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